


different names for the same thing

by celestialmusings



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo - Freeform, The Last Jedi - Freeform, accidental force bond, oops my hand slipped, rey and kylo have nightmares, rey and kylo parallels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 16:29:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14856222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialmusings/pseuds/celestialmusings
Summary: a dream, she tells herself, and in her dreams, she gained just a sprinkle more courage than she possessed in the daytime. she could speak to kylo ren - after all, it’s not like he actually saw her, as if this was real. she steadied her mind, her eyes closing as she concentrated.he felt everything at once.---rey and kylo's force bond connects them once more. rey thinks it's a dream. kylo knows it's not.





	different names for the same thing

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this on my phone so please forgive any mistakes!! this was a force connection i imagined after the one with beautiful poncho rey, but before the beautiful ben swolo one. there's so much emotion between these two that i wanted to write about, even if fictional. thank you for supporting me, please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!! i may be writing more little drabbles about reylo because i adore them.

_The coast disappeared when the sea drowned the sun_  
_And I knew no words to share with anyone_  
 _The boundaries of language I quietly cursed_  
_And all the different names for the same thing_

 _\- different names for the same thing,_ death cab for cutie

* * *

 

 

 _peace._  
  
“hush, baby.” a warm breeze rushes over the closed eyes of a small rey, quiet in her bed as the voice soothes her back into a drowsy lull. her mother, maybe, she hopes, as if this time would be different than any other. the last syllable rings sharply with a tinny screech, a booming echo akin to the scraping of metal - a sound that rang through her nightmares, that dragged her into the sorrows she so often dwelled on.  
  
her eyes fluttered open, met by blinding white. the thin cloth strung up over her hut, scavenged for some kind of shelter, had grown tattered and weather-beaten, full of holes that antagonized the child. thirteen and skinny, deprived of energy despite her apparent youth, rey treasured the moments she could indulge in rest, a prize nobody could take from her.  
  
it didn’t matter how pressing the sun of jakku beat down, or how her bones ached: rey could not sleep. she could hear sounds - horrible and haunting screams, whispers met with rising cries and the clangs and bangs of metallic pain. sounds she did not want to hear, not again, not ever. sounds of abandonment, of death and decay, of nightmares. these simultaneously clouded her mind and drained her energy, depleting from the soul any characteristic of normal youthful excitement. rey was victim of the harshest of surroundings, of the cruelest of fates.  
  
her eyes fluttered open again, but this time were met with a piercing darkness. she dared not move, only to give a soft exhale of pain and longing and _loneliness_ . a feeling she’d grown accustomed to, a feeling she’d known forever. she blinked - the stone walls of the hut came into focus as she strained her gaze. sleep, she wanted to sleep, at least before the sun rose.  
  
_think_ . her mind raced with thoughts, grasping for anything dull enough to stimulate her sleep. the bad thoughts she had - finn’s pain, the resistance’s struggle, skywalker’s stubbornness, kylo ren’s apparent connection to her - she kept buried under her archive of boredom and restriction and the vastness of the desert. she could abandon her mind for the night under a mound of sand, perhaps, or in a shipyard, or by saying goodnight and to “hush, baby.”  
  
a tear, hot and wet, slid down her cheek, meeting the damp surface of rock she had laid upon. rey squeezed her eyes shut as she silently cried, reaching for anything, for anyone, that would make this pain stop.  
  
_your greatest weakness_ . it slices through her mind like a knife, wounding her pride and the facade of courage and indifference she has faced the world with. her parents were nothing, _nothing_ , and yet they made her feel nothing but suffering.  
  
he jolted upright in bed, panting - his chambers were dark, the doors secured and humming with a vibrant energy. the only light came from the accents on the walls, glowing white hot as they wrapped around the room, casting an eerie light along the floor. a streak illuminated kylo in the dark, pale skin gleaming as he recovered from another nightmare.  
  
the violent green, the same green that would come to infiltrate his attempts to sleep for the next decade - a sickly green, fueling his hatred and anger and resentment. a whir, and a sudden clash of blue; the ocean of tumult died in a tsunami of flame, drowning out order and tradition and toxicity. free of this path, but not yet free of the pain, not yet free of the past.  
  
kylo tossed and turned over in bed, settling on his side as he closed his eyes shut once more, determined to see anything beside his uncle holding a lightsaber above his throat, or the dozen of bodies he had slain in rage. he breathed deeply, a lump forming in his throat that he had trouble swallowing down.  
  
a choked sob escaped as kylo found himself silencing his cries, overwhelmed with the cascade of emotion that washed over him. nauseous, his head pounding with energy of memories that he had hoped would no longer resurface.  
  
the girl was right. he was a monster.  
  
her voice, light, powerful, calm and yet so troubled, ran through his mind. the compassion and yearning and hope that remained in her - it cut his heart knowing he would fail to ever find that balance. that he would be alone, at least for now, if not forever.  
  
he was there, in direction of her gaze. she shut her eyes, blinking them slowly as his body came in and out of focus, surrounded only by a frame of black. she exhaled sharply, anger and some unidentifiable emotion bubbling up inside her.  
  
“why did you let your parents go?”  
  
the sudden softness of her voice filled his head, paralyzed kylo in his position. he felt like prey, curious but frightened, anxious and vulnerable. he did not say a word, did not dare to move from his position, but watched her and listened to her and _felt_ her. perhaps this didn’t mean loneliness.  
  
she repeated the question again, this time stronger, demanding, phrased more like a fact than an inquiry - when it came down to it, it didn’t matter that he hadn’t let them go. it didn’t matter that kylo was abandoned, misunderstood, dumped in the hands of another and then rejected. it did not matter that he suffered and struggled and that his reaching out was met by a cold absence. it would never change the outcome of what happened.  
  
kylo felt his eyes well up with tears once more as he watched this girl - this young, naive, lonely girl - mumble and cry and clench her eyes shut. he wanted to reach out, to offer her companionship or compassion or answers, and yet he faltered. the lacerations of his name would never align with the person he truly was - rey would never see ben solo, who wanted to be a pilot and a jedi, who wanted loving parents and a life of adventure. she would see him, _monster_ , the same way when she woke up from her sleep.  
  
“m-miss him,” she breathed out, and again kylo’s eyes locked on her face. through wavering voice she managed, “i miss him, han, h-how could you.” the quiver rose as she opened her eyes again, her blurred vision narrowing on kylo. he used the focus he still had to draw information from her - she was still half-asleep, most likely delirious, traumatized, insomniac. this connection between them was entirely accidental in nature, but kylo was unable - unwilling, perhaps - to break it.  
  
“my parents were _nothing_ ,” she paused, sniffling among her babbling. “they were nothing, but han and leia were something. why couldn’t you see that, i-“  
  
“i did.” he cut her off. “i loved them.”  
  
she sucked in her breath, words dying on her lips, parted slightly as if about to start speaking. there was a rush of warmth in the air - ben felt it twinkle over him like runoff from a star. he yearned to reach and grab it, to grab _her_ , to pull her closer. instead, he watched the tears dry on the freckled cheeks of her face as she fell completely silent. he wonders if she know what he is thinking, if she is powerful enough to penetrate his deepest thoughts.  
  
but no, she seemed to know already. a dream, she tells herself, and in her dreams, she gained just a sprinkle more courage than she possessed in the daytime. she could speak to kylo ren - after all, it’s not like he actually saw her, as if this was real. she steadied her mind, her eyes closing as she concentrated.  
  
he felt everything at once.  
  
she rushed to him, her mind spilling into his own as the door to her past swung open. kylo hesitates, reluctant, and yet it was she that had granted him access to her mind unprovoked.  
  
he ventured inside.  
  
sadness- just an overwhelming sadness. a dead desert of heat and pain, the stench of alcohol teeming in the hut, a young girl with hazel eyes curled up on a mat on the hard ground, laying awake, alone. it was too much, too intimate - too much like him. kylo pulled away, closing this door and hoping instead to meet rey’s present self.  
  
silence grew between them.  
  
“i’m sorry,” he said lowly, voice shaky as he fought back tears. “why can’t you accept this?”  
  
“run, _run run run_ ,” she mumbled over and over, tripping on the words as she whispered them repeatedly. “run, i always _ran_ . i-i still am.”  
  
her eyes opened again, meeting kylo’s own deep brown, and she fell quiet, face transfixed in some kind of daze. she seemed oblivious and unsure, doubting his existence as he dared not to move, hoping to hide the nature of their connection. she shook her head slowly, closed her eyes, and drifted off to sleep once more.  
  
kylo caught just a glimpse of her dreams as she slipped into her rest: his own looming figure, holding out a hand to rey, and her own fragile hand taking it.


End file.
